


Ashes To Ashes

by Planet0ne



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, M/M, Modern Marauders (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:01:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29267646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Planet0ne/pseuds/Planet0ne
Summary: AU Wolfstar+non-magical fic where the marauders attend a modern-day English high school as seniors, navigating the complexity of high school while coping with at-home issues. Please note that there are some dark themes, including parental abuse and death. Nothing inherently explicit, but there are allusions to adult themes (drugs/sex/whatnot). Hope you enjoy! This has been fun to write :)I'll try to update chapters as soon as I can!
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Summertime Follies  
August 17th

A sharp honk greeted Remus as he hurried his way around the apartment, attempting to simultaneously tie his left shoe and pull on his green work shirt. He hopped his way to his bedroom window, which faced the main road just three stories below.

“I’m coming!” He yelled, peeking his head out.

“Hurry up!” A confident voice replied. “Your late-streak doesn’t necessarily help my image either!”

Remus rolled his eyes, returning to his shoe dilemma and shaking his head. Strawberry blond waves brushed over his forehead as he did so, reminding the 17-year-old that a bit of a trim was desperately needed.

In one swift motion, routine by now, the lanky boy rushed out of the building and into the double-parked silver car. He had closed the car door and buckled before even looking up at the driver. A killer grin awaited him to his left.

“Good mornin’!” James exclaimed, just a bit too loudly for Remus’s liking. It seemed that summer break didn’t leave Remus the only one with long locks. Thick, dark brown hair sprawled out of James’s head, though miraculously looking well-kept. Round wire glasses sat in front of large and perennially brown eyes. The green work uniform, which sat like a potato sack on Remus, fit his muscular figure extremely well. No one in the world could say that James Potter wasn’t handsome.

Remus couldn’t help but smile back. “Let’s get going.”

“Says you! We should’ve hit the road five minutes ago,” James snarkily replied, turning his attention down the road on which he so confidently drove down. In the distance, a faint train whistle sounded. Remus quietly shuddered. 

This type of morning had been a constant for the past six weeks. Remus and James worked at the town library and met at the beginning of their employment, though their immediate bond made it seem as though they had been friends for life. Originally, Remus had been wary of James’s overtly amiable spirit. But as the weeks passed it became clear that it wasn’t an act, and that James was just a nice kid interested in being Remus’s friend. It didn’t take long for James to realize that they lived mere blocks away, and began offering him rides.

It was clear that though the boys worked at the same job, their occupational ambitions differed. James took on the job because he loved to read, as he often proudly told his co-worker. It really was out of pleasure for him. Remus, on the other hand, needed the job. His familial situation was different from that of James’s, to say the least. Remus’s apartment was crammed even though only occupied by just him and his grandmother--a capable woman but feeble nonetheless. It wasn’t as if the Lupin family household was raking in six figures, to put it short. Remus had never seen the Potter household, despite numerous offers made by James to come and hang with him and his friend. He would never admit it, but Remus didn’t think he’d be able to view that house without breaking down. He had a feeling it was absolutely beautiful. 

They worked a full day, helping people with their varied needs while attending to their constant work duties: sweeping, cleaning the bathrooms, etc. The Adelaide public library rarely saw a calm minute, an energy caused by the neighboring city of London, but it just so happened that on this lazy Wednesday the boys found an hour or two to themselves. They wandered the building, idly conversing while reorganizing messy shelves.

“The crowd went bonkers. I swear to God I thought that I was going to faint. I mean, the fog machines created an effect I had never even experienced before! Sirius kept on saying it was the best night of his life,” James enthusiastically reminisced about a concert he had attended the previous weekend. Remus scoffed.

Sirius. Sirius Black. Remus swore that if he heard that name one more time he’d shoot himself. He’d never even met the guy, but he was James’s best friend, and therefore all James talked about. They were, fittingly, both co-captains of the soccer team, meaning that throughout high school they probably never left each other's sides. James began pulling out his phone to show some images from the night when Remus pushed his hand down. 

“You’ve sent me all the pictures. Looked awesome.”

James smirked, playfully rolling his eyes. “You need to meet him. You’d love him, Moony.” 

Remus scoffed once more. Moony. A nickname given to him by James just two weeks earlier, when Remus nonchalantly pointed out that the moon was in the waxing gibbous phase. Moony somehow derived from that not seconds later.

“I’ve seen him in all the pictures and he looks great,” Remus finished, receiving a huff from James. That wasn’t all far from the truth, either. Sirius was as handsome as his best friend. His pale complexion was amplified by his stark black hair, which was voluminous and a bit longer than the other boys’. Piercing eyes sat beneath thick eyebrows, which always seemed to be staring directly at the viewer of every photo. At least, that’s what it felt like to Remus.

“But seriously,” James continued, “I’m really excited for you guys to meet. I can’t believe we’ve gone to the same high school for three years and you’ve never even met the guy. Heck, you didn’t even know me,” Remus shrugged, leaning against a bookcase. “School’s only in two weeks! Oi, keep an eye out for schedules. They’re supposed to be posted on the website this afternoon,” James said, playfully punching Remus’s arm.

“I’ll text you when I do,” Remus replied, laughing and rubbing his shoulder. 

Their friend situations were another point of difference between the two of them. James was flat out popular, but the kind that Remus admired. The kind of popular that gets you attention from nearly everyone on the planet, gets you into every party, and gets you waves from girls in the hallway, but doesn’t consume you whatsoever. James, from what Remus heard, had Sirius, and that was damn good enough for him. 

Remus had friends, he really did. But he wasn’t that good of a friend himself. His closest was a kid named Peter Pettigrew, a shorter and blond boy whom he had known for pretty much his entire life. Their parents met when they both moved to the suburbs from London when the boys were only babies. Peter was the only person he knew that had been to his house and knew of his life story, and Remus was more than willing to keep him the only one. In school, Remus was reserved but well-received enough. He wouldn’t admit it, but he had a solid group of people he talked to. Lily Evans was one of them, a smaller girl with wavy, long red hair and a kind smile. She, Peter and Remus were a little trio in school. But over the summer, Remus had trouble connecting with people other than Peter. He wouldn’t dare let Lily see his home situation, despite her persistent texts of “We need to hang out!!”

The rest of the work day went as they normally did, and soon enough it was 5:00 and the boys were back in the car, arriving at Remus’s apartment complex not soon after. After a quiet wave goodbye, Remus was greeted by the woebegone familiarity of the tiny apartment. 

The late August weather and his apartment’s broken air conditioner left the boy stripped down to his underwear while he sat at his bedroom desk, scrolling through his high school’s website on an ancient Dell laptop. A noise from outside prompted him to look around, eventually causing him to make eye contact with the full length mirror that hung on his closet door. Remus studied his reflection. Skin and bones, really, and his pale skin would seem almost cadaverous if it weren’t riddled with so many scars. He sighed deeply.

A ding from the computer brought him back to life. The schedules were posted, and Remus looked through a list of seven teachers of whom he didn’t know existed until that point. He studied the first one, the European history teacher: Mr. Williams. 

Remus’s phone buzzed, and he picked it up expecting who the sender would be.

Moony! Sirius and I have Williams for Euro period 1! Wbu??  
YESS! Evans is in the class too!! You know her, don’t u? Think she’ll fall for me?? Moony, senior year is going to be AMAZING!

Remus rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help but grin. Maybe it would. Maybe this year would be different.

-

Tuesday, September 1st

The last two weeks of summer went by slowly as anticipation built for the new school year. James excitedly described all of their future plans, including lots of car rides and lots of booze. Remus would calmly reciprocate interest while his mind flipped with excitement. He had never really been so eagerly invited to activities. It was something to look forward to, at least. The start of the school year was always a time of anxiety for him. New people, new teachers--Remus appreciated consistency, so the idea of starting anew was unnerving. He did find some solace in the fact that he would be sharing a first period with James, Lily, and unexpectedly, Peter. It would be nice to have everyone in one place.

The morning of September first started late, as per usual. Remus jumped into trousers, tucking a white school uniform into them and securing the outfit with a (very necessary) belt. He studied his reflection in the tiny bathroom mirror, trying to brush his unruly and inconsistent hair. He received a not-so-great haircut from his grandmother a few nights prior, even though she insisted it looked fantastic. It was free, at least. One less expense to worry about. 

His grandmother, whom Remus called Gran, worked in sales for a lighting supply company. She was approaching 70 and still worked full time to support her grandson, leaving Remus with a perpetual feeling of guilt. His mother was Gran’s only daughter, whom she had raised herself. Remus couldn’t help but feel that he symbolized a second chance. He knew Gran missed her daughter very, very much.

Remus rushed out the door, swinging his deep red backpack over his shoulder with a granola bar in hand. He quickly shoved black earbuds into his ears, turning to his phone to hit shuffle on David Bowie’s Hunky Dory.

“Bye Gran!” He yelled.

“Have fun, love,” Was the reply. That normally was the full extent of their conversations.

Luckily for him, the high school was not a five minute walk down the road. Remus’s apartment complex sat adjacent to one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the area, where the century-old high school stood tucked within. The houses were gorgeous, to put it straight. Three-storied Victorian and Georgian style homes lay within large yards, all equally unique and full of character. The envy towards such nice living situations had calmed a bit for Remus after having walked the same route so many times, and he was left to somewhat enjoy the scenery before a busy day. The faint noise of the train whistle caught him off guard, though, making Remus subtly jump before continuing down the wide road.

While James was notably shocked about Remus’s lack of knowledge on him and Sirius, it really wasn’t too uncommon not to know someone at Hogwarts Secondary School. It was large, with a 3,800 student body--the only private school in the area. Remus was entered on a full scholarship, which he was more than grateful for. As prestigious and unaccommodating as private schools tended to be, Hogwarts was lenient, and the board was more than happy to give Remus a hand after hearing about his home situation. He knew he wasn’t the only one attending the school on a scholarship, which was nice. One thing he didn’t stick out like a sore thumb for.

The senior class of approximately 1,000 students was divided into four teams, which would equally distribute teachers and overall call for a more ruley schedule. Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin were their names, all based on old English scholars. Mr. Williams, as well as all of Remus’s other teachers, resided on the first team, meaning that he and his friends were Gryffindors. He didn’t really care for the teams and any sort of team spirit, but he did appreciate the color combination: red and gold. A little lion head logo with those colors was embroidered on his shirt. 

Remus entered the noisy building and found his way to room 35A. After a few wrong turns down various hallways, he found his way into the correct classroom. Kids had already begun filing in and claiming their seats. The tables were organized in groups of four, leaving Remus with a sudden rush of anxiety until his eyes found their way to the table in the back right corner of the room. A boy with neatly trimmed hair and round glasses aggressively waved towards him, signaling Remus to take a seat. James’s enthusiasm could never be tempered, not even at 8:00 in the morning. Adjacent to him sat another muscular boy, one with curtain bangs and a sharp nose. Sirius, Remus thought.

“Moony! Take a seat!” James exclaimed as Remus approached the table, taking the chair across from James. 

Sirius looked up. “Hey,” he said with a soft but piercing smile. Immediately, Remus got the sense that Sirius was all about swagger, which was mildly annoying. The boy seemed bare without the intense array of jewelry and lack of exuberant clothing, though. No less intimidating unfortunately. To abide by school dress code, he only wore a single necklace of a half moon. 

“Hello,” Remus replied awkwardly. “I’m Remus.”

“Sirius,” replied the boy. James was beaming.

“I’m going to have to make some formal introductions here,” James said excitedly. “Sirius and I play-”

Just as James was going to continue, a figure approached the table. Remus turned and smiled, giving a quiet wave. “Hey Peter,” he said.

Peter’s summer had done wonders to his physique. The once short and stout figure had finally set in place, his sharp jawline being of new note to Remus, though he would never tell his friend.

“Mind if I sit?” Peter asked while taking a seat.

James perked up, stretching out a hand.

“James Potter,” he smiled. “You a friend of Moony’s?”

“Now that’s an interesting nickname,” Peter replied, smirking at his friend. “Known him since, what, we were two or three?” Remus nodded in agreement, looking back at the two boys seated across from him. He noticed Sirius was studying him out of his peripheral vision, and Remus awkwardly shifted in his seat.

“I saw you guys went to a concert,” Remus said, attempting to bring up some conversation. Sirius and James smiled widely.

“Hell yeah we did,” James replied.

“Who’d you see?” Peter inquired.

Sirius spoke. “Honest to god I have no clue. We were fucked up beyond belief,” he and James laughed.

Remus raised his eyebrows, joining in on the laugher. Peter looked in awe.

“How’d you get around your folks? Mine would be all over me if I went to a concert in the first place.”

The mood immediately dimmed between Sirius and James. Remus and Peter were not slow to catch on, subtly eyeing each other with a nervous glance.

Sirius stiffened and sat up. “My parents don’t give a flying fuck about me. I can do whatever I want.”

And that was that.

-

The rest of class went as planned. The boys loosened up a bit, and with a bit more conversing they had moved well past the introductions. Class was exciting for Remus, and he immediately admired the teacher. He was young and full of passion towards the subject, leading a class-wide discussion about the rhetoric behind a summer reading assignment. Sirius and James were quick to voice their opinions, which were eloquently spoken. Both the boys were notably intelligent, and eager to let the class know. Remus sat and observed, taking in every opinion given by his fellow peers. He didn’t normally speak the first few weeks of class. Needed to test the waters, to gain trust in the class.

The sound of the bell caused everyone to scurry and collect their belongings, but before the table could adequately get up and leave, a familiar redhead bounced her way to make some introductions. Remus glanced up with a smile.

“Hiya, Remus!” Lily waved.

“Hi Lily,” he smiled. James immediately abandoned collecting his stuff and turned to face the girl, quickly putting on a laid-back face and resting funnily on his chair. 

“Hey, Evans. How’d you enjoy class?” James said smoothly. Lily subtly rolled her eyes.

“Hi Potter. Class was really great,” she replied coolly. Her attention turned back to Remus and the boy to his left. “I’ll see you guys at lunch?”

“Yep!” Peter enthusiastically replied. Remus nodded. 

The five left class and eventually went their separate directions. Just James and Remus were left on their way to their second class, which they too shared. James excitedly asked about Remus’s relationship with Lily, and how he could possibly set the two up. Remus, however, took the opportunity during the walk across the building to ask a question that had been stirring in his mind since the morning.

“What was the deal with Sirius earlier?”

James pursed his lips, thinking. “Oh, that. Yeah, should’ve told you guys, really no one's fault. Sirius is super chill and friendly and awesome, but you can’t bring up his family. Like, just don’t bring it up when you talk to him.”

Remus nodded, not willing to ask more than James was willing to tell. Luckily, James caught on.

“Won’t get into details, but it’s just really not great for him and his brother at home. His parents- well, like, his parents are just bad people.”

Remus frowned. Though he thought Sirius to be ostentatious, he absolutely hated to hear about any sort of negative home situation. Suddenly, the idea of Sirius made him a bit queasy. He wanted to change the subject.

“He has a brother?”

“Oh, yeah! Regulus. He’s a junior and is super quiet and shit. Nothing like Sirius. Nice guy, though,” James replied. 

The rest of the school day wasn’t nearly as exciting as the morning. Lunch provided for a mini reunion of the first period table, as Sirius and James were quick to join Lily, Peter and Remus at a small table in the courtyard. Their once strained conversations became casual and fluid, with James and Sirius loosening up to Peter. Remus found himself unable to look Sirius in the eyes, or talk to him really. He couldn’t quite decipher why, which frustrated him. He was normally good at figuring things out for himself. But Sirius, Sirius confused him. In more ways than one.

The end of the school day, 3:05, provided for the most excitement Remus had felt in a while. It started with a text just 10 minutes before the end of the school day from an unknown number that read “meet me in front hall after class”. Remus was curious, but surprisingly not suspicious of any malintent, knowing all too well of James’s ability to give away people’s numbers. Remus stood in the hallway, leaning against the stone wall. He checked his phone, watching the time go from 3:05 to 3:07 to, finally, 3:10, when Remus decided he’d get going. Miraculously, a figure approached him just before he left. Sirius.

“Oh, uh, hey,” Remus stuttered. “Didn’t know it was you who texted me.”

“Yeah, got your number from James,” he coolly replied, leaning a little too close for comfort on the wall next to Remus.

“So-” Remus started, cut off by Sirius.

“Hey, you were acting kinda distant at lunch and I think I know why.” Remus immediately opened his mouth to object, but Sirius was quicker. “I want you to know that everything is fine at my home. Nothing is actually terrible whatsoever, I’m just constantly pissed at my folks for no reason.”

Remus quickly spoke. “But, James told me-”

“Nevermind what James told you, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Take it from me, Moony. Everything is absolutely fine,” he said in a voice just above a whisper.

Remus was startled, and looked up to meet those sharp brown eyes for the first time since the morning. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but was at a total loss for words. All he could do was nod. “Moony??” He thought.

Without another word, Sirius put his hand on Remus’s shoulder, giving a little squeeze before turning and walking out of the school. Remus stood shocked as he watched the boy throw on his dark leather jacket and swifty walk away. 

Remus lifted his left hand and put it on his other shoulder. The sense of that touch wouldn’t be leaving for a long, long time.


	2. Rooftop Misadventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sort-of a solemn chapter, just a warning. Also use of drugs+alcohol and mentions of death. Hefty warnings, lol. Enjoy!

September 4th:

The rest of the week went by smoothly, and by that Friday Remus felt adequately acclimated to his new schedule. Most of his classes intrigued him, but they paled in comparison to the excitement of first period. Remus, Peter, Sirius, and James connected extremely well, and on that Friday morning James and Sirius were already planning their first party of the year.

“I’ll see all of you guys at my place at 6:00 sharp,” James excitedly reminded the table. “I’m talking to you, Padfoot.”

Remus had no idea where the nickname Padfoot derived from, but by the looks of it James had been using it for a long time. Sirius rolled his eyes.

“I’m just fashionably late is all.”

“Yeah ‘cause you’re so busy fixing your fucking eyeliner.”

Sirius playfully shoved him. “You know it looks great. Right, Moony? You’ve seen me in eyeliner, don’t you think it’s worth the time?”

Remus startledly looked up from his assignment, meeting Sirius’ questioning eyes.

“I, uh, I think it looks really great, like, I mean not really great, just like, uh, cool, like-”

Peter and James broke out laughing at Remus’s stuttering. Sirius continued his eye contact, raising one eyebrow with a smirk. Remus’s stomach flipped.

“Jesus, Moony, you need some water or something?” Peter said between laughs. “Moony” seemed to be catching on.

Remus smiled. “Haha, yeah, I’m just super focused, sorry.”

“No shame in that,” James said with his classic bright smile. The bell rang, causing all four of the boys to jump slightly. James stood, collecting his things with one final reminder. “6:00. I’ll see you boys there.”

-

Remus sat on his bed, back against his wall and staring up at the ceiling. Through his earbuds played Bowie’s Ashes to Ashes, one of his favorites. He closed his eyes, letting his senses be filled by Bowie’s low voice and the prevalent sound of electric bass, nodding his head to the beat. The song came to a fading end, and Remus was brought back to life, checking his phone for the time. 5:27. 

“Ugh,” he said aloud. There was no way he would be going to the party, and for a few reasons. Drunk people around Remus led to their overconfidence in asking questions, and there was one clear question everyone had in mind. He knew James and Sirius would be eager to ask with just a few shots in them. Peter already knew the answer, but him being drunk seemed like an opportunity for him to tell the others. He could hear it already.

“Dude, what happened?”

This question would be referring to the scarring, of course. It wasn’t too bad on his arms, only a few noticeable marks. It was his chest and legs that faced the worst of it. Sharp long scars lined his body, evidently from some deep lacerations. And there was one on his face, which just so happened to be one of the most apparent scars on his entire body. It stretched from above his right eyebrow, over his nose to the bottom left side of his lip. 

It wasn’t that Remus was ashamed of what happened, and he was so little when it did that the event itself wasn’t of severe importance to his life. But whenever someone did ask, it was a painful reminder of the life he lived. It could’ve all been different. But it wasn’t, and Remus bore the scars to prove it. 

Plus, Remus didn’t trust himself while drunk now that Sirius was in the picture. He could see it now, him going “I don’t know why I feel this but I think you’re very handsome, and it’s confusing and I don’t know what’s going on but I like you more than I’ve liked other people.” He would never be able to look at anyone in the school ever again if he said that. He sighed again, standing up and migrating to his desk. If he was going to be alone tonight, he might as well get some work done.

Remus didn’t realize just how much time had passed until he heard his Gran come home from work. He checked his phone, finally taking note of the time. 7:02. Below the clock he saw about 20 notifications from James and Peter.

“MOONY??”  
“Dude seriously where are you can you please get here.”  
“Omg why don’t you answer your phone.”  
“We miss you Lupin! Party is fun you need to get here!”  
“Bruhhhhhhhh.”

He smirked, shaking his head. It was nice to know he was missed, at least. But Remus was content with his decision, and he decided to pass the time by scrolling through his phone as he plopped back on his twin-sized bed. Snapchat would surely provide for some updates on the party. He clicked on Marlene McKinnon’s story, a tall girl with long, blonde hair in his grade who was close to Lily. In the picture, the girls were smiling widely with lots of commotion in the background. Lily looked happy. Remus smiled.

The night passed slowly for the lanky boy. Around 11:00, however, he was about to get into his pyjamas when he heard a voice that nearly scared him out of his skin. 

“Remus!” He heard from the street below. He ran to the window to see two figures, knowing exactly who they’d be.

“What are you doing here?” He replied.

“We missed you tonight! Let’s do something.”

Remus huffed, a bit confused, but quickly shuffled into shoes and ran down the stairway to greet James and Sirius on the street. They looked like they endured an eventful night. Both of the boys’ hair were messy, and Sirius’ makeup had evidently smeared.

“Come on, Moony, night’s still young!” James beamed.

Remus shook his head. “Aren’t you guys wasted?”

They both shrugged. “Not really. I mean, we walked here.” Sirius nodded in agreement. “Let’s go to your place.”

Remus immediately retaliated. “No, definitely not.”

“Why not?” Sirius questioned.

“Ugh, I don’t know, it’s just not the showiest place in the world. Not great for hosting. Plus my Gran’s asleep.” Remus stuttered. No way in hell was he going to show these two wealthy boys his tiny two-bedroom apartment.

“So what do you suppose we do then?” Sirius asked.

Remus thought, then returned his gaze on the two boys. “How about the roof? I have some blunts if you so please.”

Both boys beamed and nodded frivolously. He wasn’t a huge smoker, but Peter so graciously provided with a stash every so often. Remus led them up the stairwell, instructing them to wait outside his apartment door while scampered to get the stuff from his bedroom. When he returned, the two boys were sitting in the tiny living room, quietly having made themselves comfortable on the short sofa.

“What did I tell you??” Remus yell-whispered. His face went hot. How mortifying.

“I like your place. It’s cozy,” James insisted earnestly, looking around. “I don’t get what the big deal is.”

“It’s really not much,” Remus replied shyly. “Let’s just get going.”

Before they exited the room, Sirius pointed to the Ziggy Stardust poster he could see hanging in Remus’s room through the crack of his door. 

“You like Bowie?”

“Ha, yeah. I do, a lot, for some reason,” Remus turned to Sirius. “I just feel like Bowie got it. Like he understood.”

Sirius nodded intently in agreement, his eyes sparkling. James shook his head.

“You sure you guys aren’t wasted?” He questioned jokingly.

On the roof, the September night breeze was absolutely perfect. They climbed the top stairwell, stepping over a dilapidated sign reading “no unauthorized roof access.” With papers lit, the boys sat in a small circle, enjoying the weather and the perpetual night sky. Remus and Sirius were both looking up, admiring the stars. Remus breathed deeply.

“Lily and I talked a lot during the party,” James started.

“Oh god,” was Sirius’ reply.

“No, no, it actually went well. I mean, it did at first-” He was cut off by groans from the other two boys. James laughed. “Yeah, well, I drunkenly suggested we snog and she poured her drink on my shoes. Oh well, it’s a step in the right direction.”

Remus laughed. “That’s the right direction? The more I get to know you guys the more I realize how fucking stupid you pricks are.”

Sirius drunkenly punched his arm, causing both boys to laugh. Remus returned to his stargazing, breathing in and out. He hadn’t felt this happy in a long time.

But of course, the happiness was only temporary. With a noticeable shift in tone of voice, James spoke up.

“Hey, Moony, Sirius and I kinda have a little question to ask you.” Remus lowered his head, matching James with a knowing glance. “Of course, you don’t have to answer if-”

“No, no, I know,” Remus said with a sigh. He looked down at his fingers, studying them closely. There were scars on them, too. Well, he would probably have to tell them at some point. With a deep smoke from the joint, Remus faced Sirius and James and began speaking.

“The scars, well, the scars obviously weren’t always here.” He started. The other boys leaned in close, attentively listening with wide eyes. “I, uh, I guess I can show you the scars, if you want.”

James looked shocked. “You have more?”

Remus nodded solemnly. Sirius looked the smallest he’d ever seen him. 

Without thinking, Remus got to his feet and pulled off his T-shirt. He didn’t know why he felt the ability to do so in front of these two boys. No one had ever seen his chest besides Gran, not even Peter. Heck, he had only really met Sirius just four days prior. But something about James and Sirius was trusting. Something about them made him feel like they would always be by his side.

James let out a faint gasp as they viewed his chest. Even in the dark, the scars were apparent. They riddled his thin, skeletal body every which way. He sat back down, shirt in hand, and continued.

“Um, yeah, these are my scars,” Remus said with a breath. 

Without another word, Sirius leaned over, stretching his arm out to trace a particularly large scar crossing Remus’s chest. Remus’s breathing hitched as he watched Sirius touch him and retract his arm, staring at him with those notorious Sirius Black eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered. James nodded in melancholy agreement. Remus stared back at Sirius, then shrugged.

“It’s, it’s really ok guys,” he said with a half smile, attempting to reassure the boys, but evidently failing. His heart was beating so quickly he almost worried the other boys could hear it. He decided to continue, get the explanation over with. “I obviously didn’t have these forever. I, well, I also had parents, too. Lyall and Hope were their names,” he breathed. “When I was five, my parents and I were in the car together. I don’t remember where we were going, but I remember feeling really, really excited to reach the destination. But, um, there was a bit of an incident. You know how the train tracks intersect Church Street with a tight curve, and it’s blocked by the building so you can’t really ever see when the train is coming?” The boys nodded. “Well, um, this particular day when we were driving, there was an electrical malfunction with the train signal, so the little gate never lowered. And my parents and I got hit by the train. And both my parents died.”

James gasped once more. Sirius was slowly shaking his head, looking at his feet. With an unknown spout of confidence, Remus continued opening up.

“I got the scars from broken glass and debris and stuff. I, I just remember opening my eyes and staring at the sky, and it was just so grey and it had begun to rain a bit. I think a pedestrian or someone pulled me out of the car, and they were cursing and yelling at someone to call the ambulance. And I think that’s when I realized I was cut, because my whole body just hurt with a pain I had never felt before. And I got a glimpse of the person’s hands, which were, well, red.” He took a deep breath. “I remember, in that moment, I just wanted my mom. More than anyone in the world. It was such a strong wanting feeling, too, I can’t really describe it. I just needed her so badly-” Remus stopped, his throat tightening. He was shocked. Not once in his life had he cried about the accident, it was so out of the blue. But the feeling of breaking down overwhelmed him, and just like that, Remus began to cry.

It started as just a few tears, but James was quick to scoot over and hug his friend. He pushed Remus’s head into his shoulder, holding him in a tight embrace that was just so comfortable and kind, and Remus began to bawl. His shoulders shook as he sobbed into his friend. James sat there, holding him tightly and breathing slowly and purposefully. It took a good few minutes, but eventually Remus’s breathing matched that of his friend’s, and he pulled away, embarrassingly wiping tears.

“I’m so sorry-”

“Remus, it’s absolutely ok. I’m glad you told us,” James sincerely said.

“I know, I’m just, like I’ve never cried about this before. And especially in front of you guys, I mean I just really met you. I’m putting all this baggage on you guys and you don’t deserve that.”

“Moony,” Sirius whispered intensely, reaching out to grip the same shoulder he had touched at the beginning of the week. He stared, really stared, into Remus’s eyes. Those eyes alone could have spoken to him. “Never, ever be sorry. We’re always here for you. Always.”

Remus feebly nodded, sniffed once more, and began to cry. This time, both Sirius and James joined in for a hug. Remus felt so warm, so safe around them. He felt inexplicably connected to these two boys, and knew that from this time on their bond would be unshakable.


End file.
